Betcha Never
by Melissa Rose
Summary: Rogue thinks about her past and the true nature of her powers...


Spoiler: Rogue thinks about her past and the true nature of her mutation

Disclaimer: You know I don't own any of them... we all know that...

Rating: R

Author's Note: I really don't know... I was just pondering after finishing writing a news article for the paper and wondered about... well I can't say or I'll give away the ending...

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Betcha Never

Ah know what they all say. That ah can' touch anyone, that ah'll probably never be able t'control mah powers. They think they know. They think they know the true poison that mah skin is, the pain that ah feel on a daily basis from not bein' able t'touch another human bein'.

If only they really knew.

Everyone thinks that mah powers showed up durin' mah first kiss, but that's only partially true. But ah kissed Cody with all the intentions of doin' just that -- kissin' him. It ended differently than ah anticipated though. It ended with Cody screamin' in pain before fallin' into a coma.

After that ah fell in with Mystique an' Destiny, an' they exploited mah powers, convinced that ah couldn' control it, that ah couldn' control who ah hurt. They didn' really know either.

But ah knew. It was somethin' that ah didn' like t'admit even t'mahself. Somethin' that ah pushed down, below the surface where it couldn' hurt me as much. But every once in a while, the memories would resurface, so terribly and violently that ah have t'shut mah eyes tight -- tight! -- against them until they go away.

Ah never revealed mah real name t'anyone an' that was mostly because ah didn' like rememberin' mah past any more than ah was sure anyone would want t'hear it. But aside from mah name, ah tried to forget mah first family, mah real family. The family that caused me t'use mah absorption power as an excuse t'keep everyone at arms length.

Ah never knew mah real father, or at least ah never remembered him. He left when ah was jus' a baby, leavin' mah mama and me alone t'fend for ourselves. An' mama did the only thing she could do. She found another man t'take care of us.

His name was Rusty an' he had mean eyes an' an even meaner temper. Ah saw him hit mama more than once while ah was growin' up. An' mama would cry a bit around the blood that oozed down the side of her swollen cheeks. Sometimes it was so bad that she would ask me to put an ice pack together for her bruises an' then she would sit back in her unsturdy chair, her feet propped up on another chair, with the ice pack over her eye.

She used t'put makeup over the wounds t'try an' hide them. Ah never thought that mah mama's makeup was a playchest that ah couldn' wait t'be old enough t'play in. Instead, ah saw it for what it was. A display of secrets an' lies.

It was bad while Rusty beat mama and ah remember wakin' up to her screams of pain many times when ah was a kid. But that wasn' the worst he did an' ah think mah powers wouldn' have manifested in such a brutal way if it hadn' been for what Rusty did... t'me.

Ah was only seven at the time. Ah remember ah was havin' trouble fallin' asleep, Rusty had been drunk that night, wavin' an empty green glass bottle at mah mama, threatenin' t'hit her with it for not havin' supper prepared on time. Mah mind was runnin' over the evenin's events, unable t' drive the nightmarish images from mah mind.

As ah was snugglin' under mah thick pink comforter, only the white strands of mah hair peekin' above the frills, ah heard mah bedroom door creak open. At first ah thought it was mah mama, checkin' in on me. Then ah smelled the alcohol, driftin' through the air like an unwholesome stench.

Ah huddled further under mah covers, but then ah felt one side of mah bed dip down, as though someone was sittin' there. The blanket was pulled away from mah face an' ah opened mah eyes, blinkin' an' tryin' t'see in the dim light that shone through the bottom of mah door.

Rusty was sittin' there with a strange look on his bleary eyed face. Ah remember shiverin', bein' more afraid of that look than ah had ever been before. He looked -- *hungry.*

As he pushed mah covers all the way down, mah shiverin' became more uncontrollable an' he put a hand on each of mah shoulders, as though he were tryin' to comfort me. 

He told me that if ah made any noise or if ah told anyone about this that he'd kill me, then he'd kill mah mama. Then his hands began their downward descent.

They moved over mah chest, rubbin' there for a moment an' ah blinked back tears, terrified an' helpless. After what seemed like forever, they started pullin' mah nightie up, revealin' mah white cotton panties. And as his fingers dipped past the elastic waistband, strokin' there, ah had to bite back a scream, silenced by the fear that he had instilled in me with his threats.

He kept strokin', his fingers movin' lower an' lower, touchin' parts of me that ah somehow knew that he wasn' supposed t'be touchin'.

When he was done, noiseless tears were streamin' down mah face an' his eyes were filled with some kind of silent contentment. He got up an' left, not even botherin' to pull mah panties back up or mah nightie back down.

The next few years went the same way. Rusty continued t'beat mah mama and, at least once a week, he would come into mah room and repeat the whole embarassing procedure again. Sometimes he pushed his fingers deep inside of me so that it hurt an' those times ah cried more.

Over time ah began t'get more mad an' less scared. Maybe more mad at mahself than anyone else because ah didn' do anythin' t'stop him. Instead ah just laid there while he did what he wanted.

But one night, not long after mah thirteenth birthday, he came into mah room an' things were very different. 

It started pretty much the same, but when he touched mah skin it was as though all the anger ah had buildin' up inside of me swelled up, explodin' up and out of mah pores, contaminatin' everything in its path.

Rusty screamed, his skin turnin' ash colored and papery, as though he was a corpse an' his true nature was comin' out at last. Ah screamed too, not sure of what was happenin' an' mah mama ran in, realizin' at once what Rusty had been doin' t'me.

By that time, Rusty was layin' on the ground, sprawled out on his back. He wasn' breathin' an' somehow, in mah mind, ah could see, hear, an' smell everythin' that Rusty had experienced. The thoughts were terrible an' ah screamed louder, the tears runnin' down mah face freely by then.

Mama had a new fire in her eyes then an', for a moment, ah could have sworn they turned yellow. She told me that she would take care of everything. She told me t'go back t'bed, t'close mah eyes an' try t'sleep, that everythin' would be ok.

Ah never saw Rusty again an' mama never mentioned the incident after that. It was as though she didn' remember it, or as though she hadn' really been present at the time.

Ah was able t'hug mah mama though, ah could touch people an' ah only touched people that ah could trust, ah only touched females.

When ah was fourteen ah met Cody an' he was a nice boy. But ah wasn' sure if ah trusted him yet. We got closer though as time went by. Ah even touched his arm a few times an' his skin was warm an' comfortin', nothin' at all like Rusty's clammy fingers.

Then, one afternoon, while we were in mah backyard, swingin' on a tire, he leaned in. An', as his lips touched mine, ah accepted them. Then ah started t'panic. Memories about Rusty, about what he had done t'me, rose up. As ah was about t'push Cody away a jolt when through me and Cody was screamin'. 

His skin started turnin' that ashy color an' his lips turned blue. 

Ah pulled away as soon as ah could get mah wits about me, but not before mah mama came runnin' outside, beckoned by the screams. She saw Cody lyin' on the ground an' started screamin' herself. The neighbors had t'call an ambulance for Cody; mah mama was too upset t'do it herself. An' ah remember wonderin' how a woman falls apart over Cody's condition after bein' strong while seein' what Rusty had done t'me.

Ah started runnin', quite literally an' roamed the streets for only a night before a blue skinned woman came up t'me in a dark alleyway. Her hair was bright red, her eyes the yellow of the most feared hunters. She introduced herself as mah new mama an' ah gratefully took her gloved hand. 

Ah told her that ah couldn' control that... thing... ah did, told her that whenever ah touched someone that what had happened t'Cody happened to them too. It was safer that way. No one came near me that way.

Not long after ah met her, mah mama bought me a pair of gloves of mah own.

Ah never told mah new mama about the shelter for homeless girls that ah helped out at. They didn' know that ah was a mutant there an' ah was able t'hold their hands an' listen t'their stories as ah tried t'help them through the pain in their pasts that was so much like the pain in mine.

So ah didn' let mah new mama know that as long as ah wasn' frightened that ah had complete control over mah power.

The story goes on from there, ah used mah powers for the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, keepin' up the facade that mah powers were uncontrollable. An' ah used them t'steal Ms. Marvel's abilities of flight, super strength and invincibility.

An' ah fled t'the X-Men, lyin' t'them from the start an' tellin' them that there was no way t'control mah powers. Ah was invisible and safe. There was no need to worry that any of mah teammates would try anythin' with me, they were too afraid of touchin' mah skin.

Then ah met Gambit an' he didn' seem to care about mah apparent inability t'touch. Instead he chased me even more persistently. An' ah've kept the act up with him too. Lettin' him get too close is unthinkable just now.

Maybe one day ah'll let him know. Let him know that all the things, the touches, the caresses that were previously forbidden t'us aren' anymore an' never really were. But ah don' think ah'm quite ready yet. Not just yet.


End file.
